FOR MY BOYS

I write on this blog site so that my children will have some idea of what's going on. No other reason. I have no idea who reads it or even IF anyone reads this. Just for my boys.

I wrote a pretty nasty Thanksgiving blog. I chickened out. My husband asked me not to publish it and I agreed. It was about being orphaned by my side of the family and how much it hurts....not just me, but Kyle feels the loss even more so than I. Tracy and Trace have thicker skin. Their attitude is "f them...if they don't care, why should I?" I'm trying to toughen up. I swear I am.

Kyle was in a car accident yesterday. He's okay. I'm a mess. It brought up some memories that I have tried for decades to erase. The nightmares just don't go away. For any of us. I am so very grateful that he is alive and well and maybe a bit sore. He is alive. He called today to get a phone number for Amy and Ann. He wants to go to lunch with them. I think that the accident brought home to him how fragile life can be at times and how silly it is not to reach out to his cousins. He just wants that connection. I am so sorry that he inherited that gene from me.

My friend's husband killed himself Wednesday. I am so sad. He was a good man. Just overwhelmed with life. Suicide is NEVER an answer, EVER. I went through a lot when Mitch DeWitt killed himself. I understood what he was thinking (after he suffered a head injury, he was never the same). It hurts that he didn't know that we loved him regardless of how his mind worked. I still miss him. My friend will survive this. She is a strong woman. I'm not so sure about her daughters. How do you do that to children? I love my boys far too much to put them through anything like that. EVER.

I'm sorry to be a downer. The holidays do that to me. I LOVE Christmas and Thanksgiving but, as I said above, I miss my "other" family. (Jill: sorry about the quotation marks!)